Posted in Real Weddings

A Fair Division of Expenses

I feel like I have written a little bit about the whole topic of paying for a bridal shower, but I think that one thing that still appears to allude some of you is how this works.

A bridal shower (also lingerie showers), bachlorette party or any other celebration will cost money when you are in the bridal party. It isn’t a free lunch, not any more, as weddings get bigger and more expensive everybody has to pay. Some people are alright with this, but others, especially if they are young and just getting started out cannot shell out the money that the bride wants.

As the maid of honor a lot of cost will fall on your shoulders, this is money that you may or may not have. And while the maids will also give some, you are the primary person on the bride’s side.

So how much do they need to spend?

I’d say this is relative to how much money the bridesmaids have already pitched in for the wedding and how much they’re expected to pay.

You can ask:

    have they paid for their own dresses?

    Is the bachelorette party going to be expensive?

    Are they giving expensive gifts?

    Are they expected to help out with a lot of things?

I’ve never had to spend that much as a bridesmaid myself, however a good friend of mine was understandably upset when she was expected to chip in around $1,400 dollars for a bachelorette-trip to Paris that she couldn’t even attend.

She was a student at the time and had absolutely no possibility to get that kind of money, while the rest of the girls were high-end fashion saleswomen who loved spending more than anything.

This really didn’t work out.

She ended up stepping out of the bridal party and was uninvited to the wedding.

I’d say get the responses from the bridesmaids first and let the response rate and budget decide the venue, just to be safe. At least if you’re talking major money. It’s not fair to put anyone in a position where they have to admit to seriously not being able to pay.

Even so, it could be fair to expect the bridesmaids to pay a bit if it was considered a gift to their common friend, the bride.

This can get murky at times, but it is easy to see a lot of money is flowing into somebody else’s wedding. By traditional etiquette in the US, it is considered rude for the bride to throw her own shower for exactly this reason.

One isn’t supposed to throw themselves a party specifically to get presents. This is why traditionally the shower is hosted and paid for by bridesmaids. It’s really supposed to be a nice thing your bridesmaids do because they want to, not something that is demanded and expected by sheer virtue of being a bridesmaid.

Bachelorette parties, however, usually are split between everyone attending except the bride.

There are also a lot of different names for showers, or wedding celebrations in general. A lingerie shower is a common bridal shower alternative. And they are often more affordable. If you think that you can’t afford the bridal shower consider giving this option a moment of your time. I got some of the ideas for the lingerie shower on British nook as well as on thehouseofbachelorette.com.

When you get the invitation to act as a member of the bridal party you should know what is expected of you. Understand that there will be expenses and expectations placed on you that you my not be familiar with.

There are a lot of celebrations in the modern wedding, and while not all of them are always present, you will be faced with at least a few.

Your help and resources are requested when you received the invitation.

Even with all of that to consider, you shoudln’t do more than you reasonably can. Put in your gift money and be done. Their wedding should not be your burden.

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